My friend, Kristi Nielsen contributed the following article about better communication for this newsletter/blog.  She is a retirement coach in Vancouver, Brittish Columbia who has also written books about that.  See her signature at the end.  My thanks to her for her contribution!!! 

Effective Communication Tips

By Kristi Nielsen, Retirement Coach 

Effective communication skills can benefit every relationship. Here are some effective communication tips:

1) Talk less about yourself.

2) Ask the person you are talking to more questions about him or herself.

Ineffective communicators use any excuse to talk more about themselves appearing self-centered. Listening shows you care about others.

3) Pay attention to your tone and pitch of your voice. A little exercise that demonstrates this is to read the sentence "I know who stole the money" repeatedly and each time you read it change the word you emphasize, as follows:

Read the sentence emphasizing the word "I" "I KNOW who stole the money."

"I KNOW who stole the money."

"I know WHO stole the money."

"I know who STOLE the money."

"I know who stole the MONEY."

The same words can have many different implications.

4) Word choice often alters the message.

If you use imperatives, you sound bossy. If you use "tentative" Words you may sound unsure or untrustworthy, depending on the situation. If you use overly complicated sentence structures you may confuse the listener. Take the following examples of statements to your spouse

"You MUST be home on time tonight."

"I wonder if you can be on time tonight."

"I want you to be home on time tonight."

"I know it can be difficult, however it is important that you are home on time tonight."

Your word choice and tone can grate on the nerves of other people, and may detract or increase from the validity of what you are saying. It can show disrespect for others.

5) Accept what the other person is saying without yielding to the temptation to invalidate it or filter it because of your own bias.

Stretch yourself to see things from different perspectives.  If you are not sure you understand it from their point of view, ask for clarification or if you are unsure, ask them to clarify. If you believe you understand, paraphrase it back to them for confirmation.

6) Don’t get caught in a cycle of negativity.

Constant complaining and negativity can send your friends and family scrambling to get away from you.

7) Refrain from annoying repetition.

In business relationships, keep notes about your conversations, so that you do not repeat a conversation.

As a result, they are more likely to remember the conversation than you are—making for an embarrassing situation when you realize it.

 8) Keep listening even if your interests are different. Share their enthusiasm for things that are important to them.

9) Avoid the urge to be right. Always correcting others when you disagree is simply arrogance. Be more interested in understanding, than in being right.

10) Be present. Don’t allow other thoughts to distract you from truly listening. Don't interrupt. Validate the person with whom you are speaking by giving them an opportunity to complete their thoughts without your comments changing the direction of their thoughts. It makes them feel good and the reciprocal effect is that they like you.

Kristi Nielsen, BA, Retirement Coach,

Author: “Retirement Inspirement” and  “Your Life is YOUR Business”

www.plus50lifestyles.com and www.retirementsecrets.ca

© Kristi Nielsen 2008